| losing myself
I dont know if i have written about this befoer so sorry if i have... my brains going through a mush period at the moment... dont know whats up with me... been quite emotional.... maybe usual early sobriety stuff.
Anyway... i wanted to talk about one of the main things i lost through sobriety that i am going to struggle getting back... at the moment anyhow...
I lost part of my identity....
I have spoke here before about being transgendered... i actually live part of a double life.... i am louis to my friends and partners and my mum i thought accepted who i was too...
But at my work life everyone knows me by my birth name which is female...
When i applied for the job i have all my documentation was in my birth name so thats what everyone has called me.... i could ask people not to but after 5yrs it would be confusing and especially to the people i support so i havent said anthing....
It was fine when i had my relationship/friends etc.... i coped with the double life... even when the paths crossed...
Now that i have had to back away fom my friends *drinking buddies* through my sobriety... i have no-one left who knows me as louis... except here and on other sites i go on....
My mum even said does that mean i dont have to use that other name now and call you your birth name... she got so upset... i said she could...
I feel so lost in who i am now.... i know who i am but no-one else does...
I hope this make some sense....
be well
louis
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