5 days sober. What a mess
Hey everyone, I'm a newcomer here and I just wanted to share my experience with everyone and hopefully get some advice.
As of today I am 23 years old and my drinking endeavors started way back when I was 15 when my cousin and I found a hidden stash of scotch in my grandma's basement. We dared each other to take a shot with the sole intention of just rebelling. My cousin did not take, however I was hooked.
Since that day hardly a week went by without getting drunk. I would go with my hoodlum friends into a store and yank a bottle of vodka from the shelf only to be found inside an empty dumper the next morning, hidden from authorities.
I've never been a happy person. I joined the Marine Corps when I was eligible and the longest period I've been able to stay sober was for 3 months while I was in basic training. Back then I weighed in at a healthy 160lbs at 8% body fat.
But that was a while ago.
Today I've gained over 50lbs of disgusting fat. I've lost all of my relationships in the process because of my inappropriate behavior and I've made several attempts to quit drinking, but they never lasted for more than 3 days at a time. Just this week I've made yet another attempt at ending the infinite cycle of self pity and anger but now I'm more miserable than ever.
It's been 5 days since I've last drank, but every morning when I wake up I stumble to the bathroom as if I drank my normal 1/5 gallon of vodka. Every day I am feeling more pissed off and fog-headed than the day before, and every day I feel like I could sleep for another year. I cannot concentrate on my work and I keep having recurring memories of happier times in my dreams, only to awaken to this horror I call sobriety.
It seems like the only time I am ever "happy" is when I'm drunk, but all logic would dictate the opposite. I don't want to be seen in public any more, not like this. I cannot hold a meaningful conversation other than saying "uh huh..yeah" because I cannot think clearly
The list goes on and on, and my misery is getting exponentially worse each sober day... What a mess