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nowwhat · 05-14-2009, 08:22 AM

I guess I could say that I don't see any purpose in attempting a friendship, because it's not a healthy choice for me.

He is not the kind of person I would choose for a friend. I guess that would do.

I have really felt so much better since the break up. Not 20 years younger, but perhaps 10! It was really making me unhappy. I am so glad I don't have to be in that situation any more.

This breakup is difficult because we have involved our children and the vacation is already paid for (airline tickets and resort is paid already). It's also not been overtly abusive or ugly, much more subtle (I would actually have preferred a real blow out, since that makes the right choice more obvious).

So, there needs to be some closure of some sort, even if it's just saying NO to friendship, NO to allowing the children to be friends, etc.

I suspect his is punishing me by not calling and then texting with this. In fact, it was a very manipulative text:

Probably easier to discuss this on the phone, but how would you feel about everyone going in platonic fashion? Not that we've decided to go, but it has crossed my mind.

The text is pretty symbolic of our relationship: he wants me to commit, but he is ambivalent, and wants to have the final word on everything.

He's sick, he's an alcoholic, and I loved him. I have been meditating on the fact that MY ability to love is a good thing, and HIS inability to love does not reflect poorly on me, or prove that I am unworthy of love.

I know this is a scattered post. I'm still processing all this and feel pretty good about where I am today. The communication between us is upsetting, but it will all die down soon, I'm sure.

05-14-2009, 08:22 AM	#8 (permalink)
nowwhat Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 211	I guess I could say that I don't see any purpose in attempting a friendship, because it's not a healthy choice for me. He is not the kind of person I would choose for a friend. I guess that would do. I have really felt so much better since the break up. Not 20 years younger, but perhaps 10! It was really making me unhappy. I am so glad I don't have to be in that situation any more. This breakup is difficult because we have involved our children and the vacation is already paid for (airline tickets and resort is paid already). It's also not been overtly abusive or ugly, much more subtle (I would actually have preferred a real blow out, since that makes the right choice more obvious). So, there needs to be some closure of some sort, even if it's just saying NO to friendship, NO to allowing the children to be friends, etc. I suspect his is punishing me by not calling and then texting with this. In fact, it was a very manipulative text: Probably easier to discuss this on the phone, but how would you feel about everyone going in platonic fashion? Not that we've decided to go, but it has crossed my mind. The text is pretty symbolic of our relationship: he wants me to commit, but he is ambivalent, and wants to have the final word on everything. He's sick, he's an alcoholic, and I loved him. I have been meditating on the fact that MY ability to love is a good thing, and HIS inability to love does not reflect poorly on me, or prove that I am unworthy of love. I know this is a scattered post. I'm still processing all this and feel pretty good about where I am today. The communication between us is upsetting, but it will all die down soon, I'm sure.