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Meditation...what you are feeling is cognitive dissonance. This is the feeling of uncomfortable tension which comes from holding two conflicting thoughts in the mind at the same time. I too experienced the same thing in meetings. It seems that you are required to attend meetings and that leaves you open to listening to things which are absolutely not true. The powerlessness theory, if believed, is the foundation for the whole aa program. I also am of the belief that I am not powerless hence the rest of the program is useless to me. My advise is to remain focused on your sobriety...remain vigilant about filtering out the dogma and above all stay true to yourself. As you already know sobriety is up to you...try to make the best of this experience and when it is over move on. Best of luck!
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