Quote:
Originally Posted by crzylilmndfreak  please dont tell me that maybe i am not 'ready" to be sober, because i really am, i guess i just miss it sometimes, jsut not the consequenses |
I'm not a big fan of that
"maybe you're not ready" saying. For some reason it seems to go against the tolerance and compassion that we're supposed to show other alcoholics. And there are times when I miss it too, just not the horrific, bad times.
It's difficult for me to sit in a bar or with a group that's drinking and make small talk, I just find that I have very little in common with that crowd anymore. But it's been easier for me as my recovery progresses to just let that old life go and focus on the dream that I live in every day, it's much better than anything I could've planned.
Give it time to get better, and in the meantime make the most of the time that you have, focus on your children and family, and make new friends when you feel up to it. Lately it's been on my mind that my children are growing up so fast, I feel like they'll be off to college before I know it, so I'm grateful for the times when I have custody.
I'd like to share this from the Big Book, I can relate to the thoughts of "how it used to be"............
FOR MOST normal folks, drinking means conviviality, companionship and colorful imagination. It means release from care, boredom and worry. It is joyous intimacy with friends and a feeling that life is good. But not so with us in those last days of heavy drinking. The old pleasures were gone. They were but memories. Never could we recapture the great moments of the past. There was an insistent yearning to enjoy life as we once did and a heartbreaking obsession that some new miracle of control would enable us to do it. There was always one more attempt-and one more failure.
The less people tolerated us, the more we withdrew from society, from life itself. As we became subjects of King Alcohol, shivering denizens of his mad realm, the chilling vapor that is loneliness settled down. It thickened, ever becoming blacker. Some of us sought out sordid places, hoping to find understanding companionship and approval. Momentarily we did-then would come oblivion and the awful awakening to face the hideous Four Horsemen-Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, Despair. Unhappy drinkers who read this page will understand!
Now and then a serious drinker, being dry at the moment says, "I don’t miss it at all. Feel better. Work better. Having a better time." As ex-problem drink- ers, we smile at such a sally. We know our friend is like a boy whistling in the dark to keep up his spirits. He fools himself. Inwardly he would give anything to take half a dozen drinks and get away with them. He will presently try the old game again, for he isn’t happy about his sobriety. He cannot picture life without alcohol. Some day he will be unable to imagine life either with alcohol or without it. Then he will know loneliness such as few do. He will be at the jumping-off place. He will wish for the end.
Big Book quote from the 1st edition of Alcoholics Anonymous