[hippyhippy]

A fortnight ago, I was so unhappy. I was sick of the constant gnawing of anxiety and the low level depression. I wasn't suicidal but I was just so blooming low. I had no energy, no confidence, no motivation, concentration was gone.....you get the picture!

I suggested to my pdoc that maybe an anti depressant would help. I didn't expect him to agree as he said that one had made me too high before. Certainly, the first time I was on Prozac, before BP diagnoses, I came off partly because it made me too euphoric (I couldn't cry at my granny's death and was laughing at ther funeral)

This time, I am on Citalopram, which I have been on before, but it didn't make me euphoric. However, within two days, my mood lifted incredibly. The difference has been dramatic! I know when I was on it before, it took time to make me feel better and even then, it didn't do much. I wasn't on mood stabilisers too though. I have loads of energy, confidence, the world feels like a good place! All the things that were upsetting to me seem so trivial. I look at myself in the mirror and think "Hey, you look ok!" instead of "What a mess" For two to three days, I don't want to sleep and I have to be really strict with myself and make myself take my meds. Then on the next day, I flag and sleep almost constantly.

However....there is always a however, isn't there? I recognise I might be a bit high. I do feel a bit euphoric at times, it is definately a feeling I can relate to from my first time on Prozac. I see my pdoc tomorrow. I am so tempted to play down how I feel as I don't want him to take me off this. I don't want to go back to feeling how I was. Yet, I think if I am honest, it is a possibility. The danger being that my high good mood becomes more destructive. Yet, in the mood I am in at the moment, I think I could only do good!

Lastly, maybe the reason I am feeling so good at the moment is that I have a brief respite from outside pressures. My work are not hassling me, the government benefits people are not hassling me. Maybe I just felt so bad because I had so much pressure on me? If I say I am feeling so good and he says, "Ok, you can get back to work now" I might well just fall flat on my face and be back at square one!

Any thoughts appreciated!

Hippy
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