keithj

Well, I get a little tired hearing myself tell the same story, but the short version might be useful to you. I'm an alcoholic of the hopeless variety described in AA's Big Book. I experienced the craving when I ingest alcohol; I had a mental obsession when not drinking. I could not stop for any significant length of time. As my alcoholism progressed, and the consequences put more pressure on me, I tried many different ways of getting and staying sober. I tried anti-depressants, counseling, outpatient treatment, rehab, fear, self-knowledge, willpower. I even tried going to AA meetings without working the steps. All of these kept me drunk.

I spent all of my adult life believing that faith in a higher power was kind of a crutch for weak minded people who maybe needed a little fantasy to make life bearable. And religion was nothing more than a social tool of control. I scoffed at both and was fairly comfortable with the certainty that there was no such thing as a higher power.

But, I hit a day when I could not go on in my alcoholism. I felt like I couldn't survive another day. And the only solution that I had left was to take AA's steps with the desperation of a drowning man. I was terrified of the higher power idea, because I knew that I wouldn't be able to get past that prejudice. Guess what? I took the steps one by one, one after the other, following the directions as best I could, willing to believe in the possible existence of something.

I recovered and a central fact in my life today is certainty that something has entered my heart and transformed me. As a side bonus, I live a life better than I've ever known, including prior to my drinking days.

Lack of belief in a higher power is not incompatible with the AA program of recovery. If you take the steps, you will have a spiritual awakening that will solve your problem.