SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post - Self-Esteem...Constantly comparing yourself to others.

evmdimples · 05-03-2009, 05:23 PM

Yes, of course, I can relate to all of that! I had to be (or tried to be) the best in everything: the smartest (did really well in school!), the prettiest (won many beauty contests), the most fashionable (been told I look like a model), the one with the best job (at what cost to my sanity?), the best husband(s) (2 divorces). And what did it bring me? A lot of nothing. Today, I realized: all my (crazy!) behaviors are modeled after my mother! I was thinking about my dad today (he passed long ago) and apparently, he had it all together: he knew how to do the self-care thing we all strive to attain in recovery. Meanwhile, mom (who I finally realize has incredible low-self esteem) was running around like a lunatic, trying to make things perfect (in her mind) and of course, that's what I learned! Not the self-care as offered by my dad: time to rest, read, take walks just because, take a drive in the country, or take a nap, or listen to classical music on a sunday afternoon. No, I didn't get any of that. I got: let's keep constantly busy on all this external stuff to occupy our time so we can be the best lest his eye roam. And so here I am, finally figuring out that instead of the frantic activity I learned from mom, I need to engage in the self-care my dad knew about all along. (Meanwhile dad died a long time ago, and in the time since, mom has acknowledged that while she misses him terribly--33 yrs of marriage--she's learned who she really is after he died. How sad is that, instead of being fully who she could've been with him.)
peace,
elena

05-03-2009, 05:23 PM	#2 (permalink)
evmdimples Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: FL Posts: 194	Yes, of course, I can relate to all of that! I had to be (or tried to be) the best in everything: the smartest (did really well in school!), the prettiest (won many beauty contests), the most fashionable (been told I look like a model), the one with the best job (at what cost to my sanity?), the best husband(s) (2 divorces). And what did it bring me? A lot of nothing. Today, I realized: all my (crazy!) behaviors are modeled after my mother! I was thinking about my dad today (he passed long ago) and apparently, he had it all together: he knew how to do the self-care thing we all strive to attain in recovery. Meanwhile, mom (who I finally realize has incredible low-self esteem) was running around like a lunatic, trying to make things perfect (in her mind) and of course, that's what I learned! Not the self-care as offered by my dad: time to rest, read, take walks just because, take a drive in the country, or take a nap, or listen to classical music on a sunday afternoon. No, I didn't get any of that. I got: let's keep constantly busy on all this external stuff to occupy our time so we can be the best lest his eye roam. And so here I am, finally figuring out that instead of the frantic activity I learned from mom, I need to engage in the self-care my dad knew about all along. (Meanwhile dad died a long time ago, and in the time since, mom has acknowledged that while she misses him terribly--33 yrs of marriage--she's learned who she really is after he died. How sad is that, instead of being fully who she could've been with him.) peace, elena __________________ To err is human, to forgive divine.