| I understand your frustration. I struggled for 25 years, in and out of clean time, going to Meetings and I just didn't get it either. I looked around the rooms and saw a whole bunch of, what I thought were complete idiots. Like you said, why in the world would I want to be like some of these people? Was sobriety going to make me a walking, talking, every third sentence is a slogan type person? As far as that goes, I had to remind myself that there are so many different personalities out there and accept people for who they are. Even if they seem alien to me.
As far as a Spiritual Awakening, I can't tell you how to have one. If I could, I'd be a wealthy woman! In July of 2005, when I had finally, truly hit my bottom, when death seemed like the only way out, I had a good sceaming fest with God. I felt abandoned, ignored, punished . . . I literally was screaming out at Him. Yes, I'm an alcoholic but my doc is opiates. I was going through severe withdrawls, trying to get back into detox, going to the hospital day after day, just to be told to come back tomorrow.I cannot explain what happened in rational terms that night, but I fell asleep and woke up with a sense of peace inside me. Oh, I was still dope sick, but I just knew in my heart that everything was going to be ok.
This isn't just fluff here, but I will say a Prayer that you find the inner peace that you are searching for.
Judy
__________________  Just when the Catterpillar thought her life was over, She became a Butterfly
7/25/05 |