I see bipolar as a lifelong recovery. I am ashamed of some of the things I have done while manic but at the same time I can recognize that my judgement was severely compromised due to a chemical imbalance. I didn't ask for bipolar nor could I control a manic episode once it took hold.
I don't think you should be too hard on yourself. All you can do now is do your best to live a healthy lifestyle that will minimize your episodes in the future. At least for me, even with medication and proper food and sleep I still get breakthrough episodes. All I can do is be as self aware as I can and do what I need to to be healthy, or to get through the episode without too much damage.
It's so easy after the fact to tell yourself you should have been able to control it, but once you get past a certain point it's out of your control and you don't even realize it. Bipolar isn't your fault. It wasn't a choice, like a substance problem. You didn't decide to pick up bipolar. And it's not so easy as just not picking it back up again. You don't get to choose. It's not your fault and you can't control what it did to you in the past. All you have is today and today you can decide to take care of your illness as best you can. Be a little easier on yourself, it sounds like you're doing a good job taking care of yourself.
There's nothing wrong with apologizing for what happened, but you need to be okay with and forgive yourself just in case the person you're apologizing to doesn't. And if they don't, that still doesn't mean it's your fault.
I say keep going, you're doing well.
