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electrickery · 04-27-2009, 06:43 PM

Heya

Sorry this a bit long winded... but there are a bunch of confusing factors swimming around in my brain at the moment.

I'm 32 and have always had fairly extreme moods throughout my teens and twenties - as in low lows and high highs. My mother was diagnosed with bi-polar and was on meds for a while as she had been suicidal many times in her 20's - she now manages it with meditation, stress free living in the country and by being ultra healthy. My father suffered from depression as well and was on meds on and off until he died (car accident).

I always thought I had escaped this family history but when I look back on the last 12 years realise that I have always struggled to keep myself from depression by drinking and big weekend poly-drug use binges that escalated until in the past 3 years it was literally every weekend. (Alcohol, ecstacy and speed mostly and then crystal meth, coke, ketamine, lsd, magic mushrooms, dmt less frequently)

I started taking St Johns Wort (Hypericum perforatum) 4 years ago to help with the lows I was getting during the week and felt it was helping. I just kept taking it because I was so serotonin depleted that I figured an SSRI would help. (Thats how st johns wort works) Of course its action would continue over the weekend and for a while my highs became higher again.

I stopped my drug binges 8 months ago, my last drugs were 1 month ago and my last alcohol was only a week ago.

I tried to stop taking St Johns Wort on and off over the past year but within a few days to a week I feel intense depression. (no acute withdrawel thank god!) For me this manifests as lethargy, utter lack of interest in doing anything, lack of motivation even to the point of not wanting to get out of bed to shop, shower, clean sometimes even making basic food is a struggle. I essentially feel dead. So then I start the st johns again after a few days to a week of living death and within a few days feel normal again.

Realising just HOW much this herb has been helping me is pretty mindblowing but also frightening.... what if it stops working? What are the long term effects? (has not been researched as far as i can tell)

I guess I'm just putting it out there as to whether by any chance anyone has had a similar experience which might help me figure out what i can do....

Have I totally fried my brain to the extent that I would be a zombie without some kind of medication?

Do I just count my lucky stars that a humble herb is helping me so much and keep taking the st johns? anyone taken this and come off it to find a similar reaction? could it just be a short term thing that I would pull up from after a month or two?

Does anyone here have any experience with long term ecstacy use consequent depression, and recovery from this?

I know I know - go see a doctor! but doctors often don't even believe that herbs work... even though st johns has been proven to be as effective as some other SSRI's I just don't trust a doc to believe me.

Any input large or small would be so very much appreciated!

04-27-2009, 06:43 PM	#1 (permalink)
electrickery Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: travelling - currently Philadelphia PA Posts: 102 Blog Entries: 2	Ecstacy, depression and st johns wort Heya Sorry this a bit long winded... but there are a bunch of confusing factors swimming around in my brain at the moment. I'm 32 and have always had fairly extreme moods throughout my teens and twenties - as in low lows and high highs. My mother was diagnosed with bi-polar and was on meds for a while as she had been suicidal many times in her 20's - she now manages it with meditation, stress free living in the country and by being ultra healthy. My father suffered from depression as well and was on meds on and off until he died (car accident). I always thought I had escaped this family history but when I look back on the last 12 years realise that I have always struggled to keep myself from depression by drinking and big weekend poly-drug use binges that escalated until in the past 3 years it was literally every weekend. (Alcohol, ecstacy and speed mostly and then crystal meth, coke, ketamine, lsd, magic mushrooms, dmt less frequently) I started taking St Johns Wort (Hypericum perforatum) 4 years ago to help with the lows I was getting during the week and felt it was helping. I just kept taking it because I was so serotonin depleted that I figured an SSRI would help. (Thats how st johns wort works) Of course its action would continue over the weekend and for a while my highs became higher again. I stopped my drug binges 8 months ago, my last drugs were 1 month ago and my last alcohol was only a week ago. I tried to stop taking St Johns Wort on and off over the past year but within a few days to a week I feel intense depression. (no acute withdrawel thank god!) For me this manifests as lethargy, utter lack of interest in doing anything, lack of motivation even to the point of not wanting to get out of bed to shop, shower, clean sometimes even making basic food is a struggle. I essentially feel dead. So then I start the st johns again after a few days to a week of living death and within a few days feel normal again. Realising just HOW much this herb has been helping me is pretty mindblowing but also frightening.... what if it stops working? What are the long term effects? (has not been researched as far as i can tell) I guess I'm just putting it out there as to whether by any chance anyone has had a similar experience which might help me figure out what i can do.... Have I totally fried my brain to the extent that I would be a zombie without some kind of medication? Do I just count my lucky stars that a humble herb is helping me so much and keep taking the st johns? anyone taken this and come off it to find a similar reaction? could it just be a short term thing that I would pull up from after a month or two? Does anyone here have any experience with long term ecstacy use consequent depression, and recovery from this? I know I know - go see a doctor! but doctors often don't even believe that herbs work... even though st johns has been proven to be as effective as some other SSRI's I just don't trust a doc to believe me. Any input large or small would be so very much appreciated!