| I can relate to the anxiety and depression due to chronic, painful medical conditions. I have several and recently I was diagnosed with a fractured pelvis, two ruptured discs in my lower back as well as some weird Bursitis in my hip. . . on top of what I deal with on a daily basis. I felt so overwhelmed, not to mention the horrific pain that I was experiencing. I toughed it out for about a week or so with my pelvis, but the pain got to be so bad that I couldn't take anymore. I finally gave in and called my doctor who I work closely with and she knows everything about me being in Recovery and that my DOC was opiates. That was so scarry. Many people had a hard time understand why I was so hesitant to put one pain pill in my body. I was terrified of awakening up that demon that I had fought so hard over the past 3 years and 9 months.
I do my best to find a positive in every situation, no matter what it is. For me, the positive in this is that I got past that terror of having to take something when the pain got to be too bad. I had let that occupy so many of my thoughts since my medical conditions have worsened. I am going to have to have back surgery once my pelvis heals. I was so overly fearful of it due to the thought of if I need something for pain. Now, that fear is not occupying my mind 24/7 like it was. Oh, I am still very, very cautious. I know that that one pill I take could very well be the one that sets me up and has me off to the races so I only take one if absolutely, positively necessary.
It's a shame that your NA Meetings have turned out like this. I learned the "hard way" that there are some things that I just don't share openly at a Meeting. I talk to my Sponsor or close friends about it, but I don't throw it out on the floor at a Meeting.
I know I didn't have any words of wisdom to share with you. For me though, it does help when I know that others can relate to how I'm feeling. Just knowing that I am far from being alone has been a huge comfort to me throughout my Recovery.
God Bless,
Judy
__________________  Just when the Catterpillar thought her life was over, She became a Butterfly
7/25/05 |