Thanks adore for share ur thoughts.
In rehab we had councilors that sat
in group with us in a circle to have
discusions.
This one in particular was in my mind
to "die for" as they say. Tall and
handsome. He always acted professional
and dressed nicely.
On one or 2 occassions he took me
and several others in treatment to
an outside day meeting.
I remember sitting in front with
him while the 2 other guys were
in back.
I had so many feelings inside of
me jumping around. I was "in love".
Those romantic feelings over whelmed
me too.
Maybe for the first time someone
was paying attention to me.....then
really anytime a guy or man paid
as much as a little attention to
me i emmediately "fell in love"
with them.
It was like i took him hostage in
my mind.
This all stemmed down from not
getting what i needed in my own
marriage. The one place i truely
needed to be understood and loved.
It didnt matter if they were married
or not. If i liked u then i was gonna
try my darness to get u.
Being at home mom, i didnt feel
attractive anymore at least in the
eyes of my family members.
So the more i drank the more i
had this destorted view of myself.
When i drank i ventured to the clubs
to not only listen to music but to
see how women could get anyone
they wanted.
I learned how they dressed, carried
themselves, talked, flirted and own
the floor.
With all that in mind i still remained
much of a lady.
Anyway.....all that stemmed down
to my dishonesty and lack of trust.
I carried that up until i was 17 yrs
sober. Then once i became open
and honest in all my affairs then i
experienced the FREEDOM they
talk about in our recovery program.
Sometimes it takes longer for some
lessons to be learned.
