(((Silla)))
I'm so sorry that you're in such a difficult situation.
I do know that there are *some* people in a 12 step program who have to take meds normally not acceptable in a 12 step program for their health. That decision is between you and your doctor, and AA has a pamplet specifically on the subject. Barto has posted it on this forum in the past. But, it still leaves you with the problem of re-awakening your addiction. And that's a very big problem for sure.
Do you have a very trusted friend or family member who can hold the meds and give it to you *only* as needed and as prescribed? That's how some members deal with this issue? Because bipolar is also a life threatening situation. And your symptoms are clearly a danger to yourself already. Looking for men on Craigs list is dangerous! And I'm sure you know that. So you need to find a way to find some help for yourself and soon.
Again, taking the meds is not spicifically against the 12 step program *if* and only if you take it at the direction of your doc and only the way it is prescribed. You have a life threatening disease. You need to protect yourself and if you have someone who can help you with the dispensing of the meds, to keep you safe from your addictive personality, you should be able to handle it.
You are in a difficult situation. I wish you well.
Let us know how it goes.
Shalom!