[firestorm090]

After rereading my other thread, I realized my tone and story were more along the lines of describing my physical experience with AA, but not what I missed along the line. I apologize for not being more specific with my inquiry.

As I recall, it is stated in the BB, "Having had a spiritual awakening as the results of these steps, we continued to carry this message to alcoholics," or close to that. What does that mean? Does that mean that a person becomes aware of the spiritual part of life? Does this mean that by working the steps a person becomes transformed into a more spiritual person? Is this a light bulb experience or a burning bush kind of thing?

Some people may think I'm playing games here, but that is not the case. I have had all the booze this guy can handle. I'm lost as far as this spiritual stuff is concerned. I have a hard time with God, because I was raised to believe that He's up in Heaven right now writing down all the bad, hurtful things I've done and I will face His judgement in the end. I wrote myself off to hell a long time ago. But that doesn't mean that I want to continue living the life of a drunk. What about where it says happy, joyous, and free near the end of the BB? That sounds good to me. How do you do that? How do you get to the point in your life where you feel some contentment and peace within you? I've drank for so many years because I'm miserable inside, but the booze doesn't work anymore. Now I guess I'm just a drunk without a drink. I'm happy not to be drunk, but I'm not at peace by no means.

I'm not trying to bash AA, actually I never would have went there if I didn't think it could help. I realize some may have better experiences than others, that's life, but it's the program that I"m wondering about, the twelve steps, do they help you become happy, joyous and free? I need to change my way of living life, that I know. I'm just stuck as to how to do that.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.