Hi everyone,
So I'm new here but I'm really enjoying being able to connect with people who understand what I am going through. I feel so alone and hopeless in this usually.
So I've gaine between 20 and 30 pounds in the past year. I have always, always, always felt over weight even when underweight. But now I am a size 11 and am 5'4 and it is seriously, seriously freaking me out. I have been bingeing as a way to cope with being dumped twice, as a way to escape from the obsession I have with a certain individual... the resentment I hold.. I even did a fourth and then my amends to him and it was all good.. Until I went back and it happened all over again. I go on bouts of not bingeing and purging, but it doesnt last long.
I am now at a point where the only thing keeping me going is the thought that I could kill myself or get high. I've been sober a while and this is really weird. I would rather be high and skinny than fat and alone. I'm sorry if this offends anyone here... We all have different issues and this is mine. I am in hell. I want to be loved and love and be happy but I keep hurting myself everynight and oh god..... I keep missing classes because i cant sit still and need to go work out to burn off the calories. I am in hell.
Help! Getting high or dying is obviously a retarded idea but it seems the only one that soothes my mind right now.
