My Best Friend's an Alcoholic
First, let me say, I feel so out of place. I've gone to a few Al-Anon meetings and I feel like a fraud. My parents are wonderful, as is my kind boyfriend, and I have a good life. Emotionally and mentally I am constantly torn because of my best friend. He's an alcoholic and I met him while I was bartending. We became really close and their was potential for more than friendship back then, but he just wouldn't be capable of it, not then, not now. I have since moved about a hour away, met someone, doing well, etc. but I think of him all the time. I worry about him, how he's doing, how much he's drinking, if he's in trouble and you know the rest... Recently I came to a breaking point. He was in jail on a rehab unit, again (fourth time in three years) and I wrote him and visited with him several times. The last time I visited him he really expressed how this was it. When he got out, he was going to do all this stuff differently blah blah and like an idiot I believed him. Since he's been out, he drinks just as much as before and we keep getting into arguements. I'm so tired of fighting and I have no idea why I can't just walk away!!! If you'd look at the basic facts, it's really hard to see why we're friends. I sometimes don't know why either, except for the fact that when we're together, everything fits. That may not make any sense, but it's just a feeling that things are okay. So, if I could, I'd stop talking to him. I'd stop being there for him all the time...but I just can't. (Talk about needing to learn loving with detachment) The thing is, always being there for him doesn't bother me. It's that he's never there for me. We have a 90-10 relationship. I always go 90 percent of the way, and he's the other ten. I know I'd bend over backwards for him, but I sometimes doubt he'd do anything for me, let alone be there should I ever really need him. I feel like he doesn't care about me and that hurts. I'm not saying he should stop drinking for me. I know he has to do that for himself, but sometimes he's so selfish and I'm not sure if that's alcoholism or if that's just him. We got into a fight a few days ago and now he wants to see me, but I'm not sure if I want to keep going in this endless cycle. People who have parents or relatives who are alcoholics don't walk away, what about if it's your friend? What do you do then?