McGowdog

I think these are good quesitons and you should be shown what's meant here. But I can only tell you my experience with this stuff.

I'd like to start out by saying that "Sex" or relationships we have will people in general, are something that has separated us from God and our fellows and it, like resentment, fear, dishonesty, excitement, selfishness, etc. can kill us. We drink over it!

So, we need Power or God's help in this area. It's likely that we, being human, "need an overhauling" in this area.

I think you get to determine what's acceptable with sex, with intimate, relationships, with non-intimate relationships, etc. "Some would have us be on a straight pepper diet." "Others would offer us no flavor for our fare."

It's wise to seek counsel with others, but "we let God alone" judge our sex ideal.

When I do a sex inventory, I include relationships that I've had, specific sex conduct, if need be, and/or just harm that I've done to other human beings. I get that all down.

In your case, you seem to believe in monogomy and marriage! So that's great! Start there. I don't see anything wrong with dating and not jumping into intimacy either. Get to know the person before you sleep with them! What a novel ideal! Some people just like to "hook up" and never commit or never marry. That's ok too! For them! But not for you!

For me and my experience, "conduct" means how I treat the people about me. Where am I selfish, self-seeking, dishonest, fearful, inconsiderate, too demanding, too kind!? Where do I kiss up to get what I want? Why do I pay attention to you, but not her? Why am I polite around certain women or attentitive to certain people? Because they're pretty? Am I flirting with you, but married? Do I act all nobel and outgoing to this guy because I think he's important?

Do I treat the janitor the same way as the CEO? Do I want to marry you because I want to live in a home and have a mortgage? Because I'm lonely?

What's wrong with financial security? Nothing, in and of itself. I believe that being the "Provider" is a god-given role. But at what cost? Am I relying too heavily on my partner? What about money? Did I go after a certain person because they're successful? Is that fair to them? Do I really care about them? I believe that the sex-instinct IS "God-given and therefore good, not to be used selfishly , nor to be despised or loathed."

Why do some codependent women/men wind up with alcoholics/addicts?

I've heard a recovered Alanon during her speech... she uttered the truth! She said, "He took a drink and I felt better!" Beautiful! Truth! Honesty! Sick!

When you do some writing in this area, I think that you'll find that relationships are a two-way street. Is it ok if it's mutually selffish? Well, no. It's not. It can lead us to a drink and ultimately, death, faster than many things! And we don't share on it much at meetings! But the topic makes for a great meeting.

Especially when people have really done some work in this area.

Good luck with that and reread what Rob B and Jim say! But get to your own truth and be open-minded to what God's telling you in this.

Oh, a lot of what I've found about myself in these sex inventories is what I do when I'm in fear or not aligned with God's will: I'm after Power and Control and I hurt and/or harm people to get it.

If all else fails, leave people alone and work with another drunk. That's what the book says. I'm married, so I have to compromise on that. I have a wife who likes me sober and likes me to come home after work once in a while. What a concept. Maybe God has worked with me a bit in this area. But there's a lot of room for improvement! The acid test; I'm sober and put that first, or I'm dead.