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I originally came on here for support with a husband who I THINK is an alcoholic. Then I found the ED recovery forum. And I myself am a Bulimic/anorexic/former user still in recovery and will be in it FOREVER. So I thought I would join the conversation.
Drugs and bulimia I believe are so interchangeable. No one would understand unless you were in it yourself. When I was bulimic I would think, gosh if I just had endless supplies of coke then I would never have to be bulimic again. But then I would be a coke addict, and then more problems would present themselves. It is a constant struggle. I get it. And nothing is "more acceptable" than the other.
I will tell you the FIRST problem statement that really stood out for me in your first post. When you said "though I am pretty fat and need to lose weight but still" I thought - why wouldn't you use and purge? That kind of thinking is your biggest obstacle. Until you get over this FAULTY thinking you will never be able to overcome your addictions. You are the controller of your thoughts. Until you place your thoughts elsewhere you will be consumed by the addictions every minute of every hour. And the second you think they are gone they will reappear out of no where.
Start thinking to yourself - I am a good person. My weight DOESN'T matter. I am important to "my mom, my dad, my friend, etc... whoever it might be"..... And so on. It may sound really cliche but this technique has been very effective with people like us. Who think we are fat, ugly, worthless. We ARE what we THINK! So think better about yourself. You will realize that good people dont need drugs or ED behavior.
Oh yeah, and FORGIVE yourself when you slip. I am about 8 years out of treatment and still have my slips with the bulimia and restricting. It is a never ending battle because food is always there. But you know this.
Love yourself
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