[Bamboozle]

Open thread on this topic. Please feel free to talk about yourself. This thread does not need to be about me. I'm looking for other experiences/perspectives...maybe that will help.

I am on an antidepressant right now, and what a wonder it is. I've been on it for less than 2 weeks...I guess I got lucky to have something work so quickly and well.

Now, life is certainly not perfect, but now I know that I don't have to live in a dark pit...these pills have helped me to feel normal. I feel how I did before the feces hit the fan--gee, almost 10 years ago. I do not feel like I'm drugged (that's a big plus), but I have had moments of glee. It feels good to belly laugh and really mean it. It's been a long time, but I feel more in control of my mental state.

That being said, I have a lot of work to do with myself.

I have pretty much zero confidence and really low self-esteem.

I am very critical of myself...I judge myself CONSTANTLY and am always aware of how it is that I don't measure up. And, as much as I hate this about myself and hate to admit it, I do care what other people think. This all adds to my anxiety.

I don't know why I'm so negative, but I've been this way ever since I was wee little. There’s been no abuse or trauma in my life to make me this way. The only explanation I can come up with is that this is simply the way I'm wired. This doesn't leave me hopeless, though. I do believe that I can turn things around. I have to believe this. I'll talk more about this with my therapist, but I am looking for other perspectives. I know I need to focus on building myself up instead of breaking myself down, but I'm not sure what to do.