[Pony]

Thanks for sharing that Smoke. As a kid, just about preteen, I was on the larger side....but not quite really fat, but the other girls that were really thin would say I was fat.....and make fun of me. The boys would always be friends with me...talking, joking and stuff but I was never a girlfriend to them. That would have gotten them teased as well to pick me..."the fat girl"...... but I look back at pictures of me then and realize that I wasn't that fat.......I was big, but most of my family was big. I was very active and played in all the sports I could, but with asthma I had to be careful.
Anyway, the point being that if I had had the attitude then that it doesn't matter what others think, maybe I wouldn't be struggling with this today. Smoke, you hit a core feeling with me in your story about self image. I can't remember a time that I could ever look in the mirror and be even content with what was looking back, but just figured that is what I was delt....live with it!! Even today my only purpose for looking in the mirror is to make sure that I match and nothing looks dirty, and nothing shows and my hair looks brushed.

Now as I try to lose weight I try imagine myself this thin person, in hopes of staying motivated, but all I see is what reality is standing there. So I try to focus on just being a healthy person because in my mind...I will never ever have the looks.

Thanks again Smoke.....and I agree with Ann.....you are beautiful....both of you!!!