[suki44883]

Her first suicide attempt was when she was 14 years old. Now, she is 19 and has been in and out of short-term mental health facilities 5 times in the past year. Five suicide attempts, she cuts herself and her upper legs and arms are covered in scars. Fortunately, she doesn’t do this often anymore and it’s been a couple of months since she has cut herself. She binges and purges daily and while she isn’t skeletal, she is thin and weighs about 25 pounds less than she should. Her self-destructive behavior continues and I am at my wits end. She is unable to work because of her anxiety and paranoia. She is on SSI and receives a check from Social Security each month of around $450.

She has been diagnosed at different times with: Schizo-affective disorder/bipolar type, major depressive disorder with psychosis, extreme anxiety, paranoia, OCD and most recently, borderline personality disorder. She sees a therapist twice a week but she does so grudgingly. The rest of the time, she sleeps. She is on several medications which do help with the voices and hallucinations, but not much else. I realize that the meds can only make her somewhat functional, but that therapy, therapy, therapy is the key to changing her thoughts and behaviors. The problem is, she does well when she’s inpatient, so they release her; but, when she gets back home, she goes right back to the depressive, self-destructive behavior. I never know what I’m going to go home to when I leave work. She and I live alone, so I am the only person who has to deal with this. Life with her is very draining, to say the least.

The State of Texas sucks when it comes to mental health care for adults. If she were under 18, or had an addiction, there are places she could go. Since she doesn’t fall into that category, the only options are therapy, short-term inpatient care (1-5 days) or commitment to the State Mental Hospital. We’ve tried the first two, and while therapy will be ongoing for at least a year, if she doesn’t really want to get better, she won’t. That’s the main problem. I can’t do this for her; she has to do it herself, and she has to fight hard to get better. Most days, she says she’s not sure she wants to get better, but I know that’s her illness talking.

My older daughter feels I should petition to have her committed to the North Texas State Hospital. The commitment would be for a period of 90 days. They wouldn’t necessarily keep her that long, but it gives them that amount of time to work with. The hospital would have a chance to observe her over an extended period of time and make sure her meds are doing what they should and make any necessary changes. She would get both one-on-one and group therapy. She would have structure, which causes her to do much better. I’m tempted to do this, but then, something inside me says STOP. Do you really want to do this? The answer is, No, I don’t want to do it, but should I?