[CAPTAINZING2000]

The Texas Test

1. Which of the following foods should be fried?
   1. all foods
   2. all foods
   3. all foods
   4. all foods
2. If you divorce your wife, is she still your sister?
   1. True
   2. False
3. What is 8 + 3?
   1. what?
   2. the number of people living in your trailer home
   3. fertilizer
   4. The number eight, Jesus, and the number three
4. I will cheat on my husband:
   1. for a quart of Schlitz
   2. not for all the chewing tobacco in the world
   3. because he cheats on our daughter
   4. if he doesn't give me back my bowling glove
5. I wash my underwear when:
   1. I go swimming with it on
   2. I wash my truck
   3. it gets brittle
   4. it rains
6. I brush my teeth when:
   1. I wash my truck
   2. they bleed
   3. it rains
   4. Never. I don't have teeth
7. How many cars and/or trucks are parked in your yard?
   1. 15-20
   2. 21-25
   3. 26-30
   4. beer
8. My favorite book is:
   1. TV Guide
   2. Jaws
   3. Bob Barker's Bio
   4. What is a book?
9. Country music is so great because:
   1. it makes me cry
   2. it goes good with fried food
   3. they play it at all our favorite truck stops
   4. Black people can't dance to it
10. Nothing is more intellectually stimulating than:
    1. Oprah
    2. okra
    3. a V8 engine
    4. greased up goats
11. Cholesterol is:
    1. monster truck fuel
    2. a laxative
    3. a communist effort to overthrow Texas
    4. don't know
12. Complete the sentence: "That ole boy
    1. is slipperier than snot on a door knob."
    2. is tougher than prison bacon."
    3. is uglier than a mud fence."
    4. is one little fork short of a fondue party"
13. Women should:
    1. never clean house unless they're naked
    2. put gravy on everything
    3. cost less
    4. bait their own hook