Hi Andre
It's been 3 years since I had fusion surgery on my L5/S1 and I'm still on a mix of painkillers. Among other things, I'm still on a high dose of tramadol but have slowly reduced the morphine. These things take time and a huge amount of patience (never my strong suit)!
Please, please don't put pressure on yourself to be fixed by a certain date. It's frustrating and I know I found it really hard to listen to my body at first but slow and steady is best in the long term.
Whatever else, you're probably physically addicted so lowering the dose needs to be gradual to deal with that, regardless of any phychological addiction. My gp reminded me that there is a difference between fearing the pain and being psychologically addicted to the drugs (we agreed at an early stage that I don't have the right personality time to get addicted to morphine anyway - probably a good thing in the circumstances!). I fear the pain and fear running out of painkillers for that reason. I'm really careful about filling my prescriptions on time because every so often I do miss a dose. It hurts most of the time but it hurts like hell then. Why wouldn't you be focused on managing the one thing that helps with the pain? That said, I know that I don't need or want the drugs for any other reason so I keep taking baby steps
What's really helped is a good, sensible gp. This might be really obvious but it's worked for me so here goes! My two priorities for long term progress:
a) keep the pain low enough to function through the use of painkillers
b) work hard on the rehab to improve my strength
As my strength improves I test my boundaries every so often but I don't worry if I don't feel ready yet. My gp prescribes a slightly lower dose of morphine. I test it for a while (sometimes on really complicated routines I have to track through a diary), ignoring the withdrawal (crying, feeling like I'm going to sneeze but not (weird and dangerous if I'm driving) and falling asleep at inconvenient moments (ditto) - fun!) and focusing on whether I can to cope with the new level of pain or not.
I'm taking the same approach to work hours & exercise - it really is a baby steps thing. Just so long as you're moving forward, you're doing good. For that matter, not needing more is a good sign. I think it's the same with norco - when I couldn't drop the morphine, my gp reminded me that if I wasn't getting better I'd need to increase it. Keeping it stable wasn't perfect, but it was progress. Give yourself a pat on the back if your dose hasn't increased!
If your doctor's any good, you should be able to have an honest conversation. If not I'd consider trying to find someone you trust but I'm really picky about doctors!
Hope that helps. Wishing you all the best.
