[josie25]

I understand what you are going through, as I am working on staying away from my alcoholic boyfriend, as I just couldn't cope any more. I also work with drug addicts and alcoholics. If your partner is on a methadone programme and it held him for two months, it means that he chose to go and use again, as he was not in any physical pain and did not need to use (physically). You have to understand that he wants to keep using at the moment and the addictive behaviour is what is controlling him. He could get better if he wants to - really wants to, not for you or anybody else, but for himself. He is actually not yet in recovery - he is an active user making some attempt to get better for you, but not ready to deal with his problem. I have worked with hundreds of people on methadone programmes - many with no intention of getting clean. It just stops them being poorly if they do not have enough money to score their drugs. You can stay with him if you can cope and you want to cope and he may or may not get better, but at the end of the day, the only decision to make is yours and what you are prepared to deal with. You cannot have a meaningful relationship with an active addict, their drug (addiction) is their marriage partner and you can only ever be the mistress (ie second place). Their needs will always come first and yours will be secondary (if acknowledged at all). There is only you that can make the decision. I decided to walk away and I am finding it very difficult to stay away, as I still love him. I just love me too and know that I want to be happy again. Staying away is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, but it was my decision and me who lives with the consequences. I am not fully at peace yet, but know that eventually I will be. Try and find the way where you can have some peace again. I wish you all the best whatever your decision, but let it be your decision, not his or anybody elses, as you will be the one who has to cope with the consequences. Take care of you.