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Yet it is hard to admit that I am powerless over my addiction.
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Pinkgurl87,
After reading your post, I'm led to believe that you're viewing "addiction" in a singular perspective. In NA, our 1st step says we are powerless over our addiction and our lives had become unmanageable...it doesn't say we are powerless over just drugs. Maybe if you were to look at what addiction actual is, you'd be better able to accept it. I won't re-write what I shared in post #6 in this thread, but it's important to remember that step one tells us that not only are we powerless over drugs, but we're powerless over the disease of addiction as well. The literature says we have to admit this fact in order to recover.
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Though how do I totally surrender if I haven't totally got step 1.
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Having a sponsor who has experience in working this step helps. Reading the literature and seeking the ES&H of other addicts is also helpful. Have you tried using the NA Step Working Guides?