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Step 1- I know that I am powerless over my addiction but sometimes I have a hard time excepting it. I start to think that I'm not addicted. It's like I start getting some clean time and all a sudden it feels like I'm not addicted anymore. I know I have to be careful because that's minimizing and a form of denial. I tend to compare myself to other people and think I'm not that bad, but as one of my group leaders said. "I'm not that bad yet." Maybe not yet but I could get their. I seems to me I'm still stuck on step one. I know that drugs have just lead to chaos and hurt and pain. Yet it is hard to admit that I am powerless over my addiction. I like being in control. Though addiction is a false sense of control because you feel like you are controlling your feelings but in reality the drugs are controlling you. I guess I need to completely admit and surrender to God my addiction, I know that's step 2 and 3. Though how do I totally surrender if I haven't totally got step 1. Need to figure step one before I move on to the other steps. I know my life became unmanageable I had to drop out of school because of drugs, had to go inpatient treatment because of drugs yet part of me still thinks I'm ok and not addicted. I'm really struggling with this and realizing that I am not in control that I am powerless.
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