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bartender129 · 04-02-2009, 08:23 AM

...and here is why.

You know I hear old timers at meetings talk about what convinced them of step one and what it took them to get there.

All the guys with long term success seem to have had to go to such depths before they achieved it. It seems like taking it to the brink is a prerequisite for the 12 steps to be helpful.

I have never been near a jail, hospital or rehab. I've never had to drink until it is all gone. I've never blacked out. I always stop when I hit 6 to 10 beers because I am so drunk I truthfully don't want anymore. I've never lost a job. My family is in tact and my wife is relieved by my recent relapse because she knows I'll go another year without drinking and she is 100% confident in that because I have done so three times before.

If I talk about this in meetings, I'm either told I'm in denial or that this is progressive.

Yet I will tell you with 100% certainty that I am an alcoholic. But I can never relate to other people in the rooms 1st step stories since I have never felt powerless.

That is some scary **** to me.

I'm going to work my ass of for it not to happen, but I haven't met one person with long term success with the 12 steps who doesn't have a far lower bottom then I do.

I don't want and I am terrified of a deeper bottom.

I'm grateful and scared at the same time.

04-02-2009, 08:23 AM	#1 (permalink)
bartender129 learning Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Where I need to be Posts: 281	Step one scares the crap out of me... ...and here is why. You know I hear old timers at meetings talk about what convinced them of step one and what it took them to get there. All the guys with long term success seem to have had to go to such depths before they achieved it. It seems like taking it to the brink is a prerequisite for the 12 steps to be helpful. I have never been near a jail, hospital or rehab. I've never had to drink until it is all gone. I've never blacked out. I always stop when I hit 6 to 10 beers because I am so drunk I truthfully don't want anymore. I've never lost a job. My family is in tact and my wife is relieved by my recent relapse because she knows I'll go another year without drinking and she is 100% confident in that because I have done so three times before. If I talk about this in meetings, I'm either told I'm in denial or that this is progressive. Yet I will tell you with 100% certainty that I am an alcoholic. But I can never relate to other people in the rooms 1st step stories since I have never felt powerless. That is some scary **** to me. I'm going to work my ass of for it not to happen, but I haven't met one person with long term success with the 12 steps who doesn't have a far lower bottom then I do. I don't want and I am terrified of a deeper bottom. I'm grateful and scared at the same time.