Quote:
Originally Posted by LovesAlluNeed  Some people ask "What is normal?" Normal to me is feeling things, and having the right to be happy and sad when you should.
Does anyone else agree with me on this? I am fortunate enough to have a supportive family, doctors, and friends which always helps as well.
Just some thoughts, to see what others think. |
Thank you for your share Loves, this is the first post I've read of yours (I'm a little slow lately. Lol) so let me also give you a belated welcome to SR.
I really don't have much experience with BP, but I've taken Paxil and EffexorXR, part of your share struck me as eerily familiar, namely these things:
I discovered that the past 10 years of my life have been a complete blur. I have not really "felt" much of anything, which I guess is the goal of medication when you are bi-polar. No highs, no lows. I have aced that. Additionally, I have never felt true anger OR true love... I feel very detached from people and experiences. That's not the way I want to live the rest of my life... when I think of what the word "living" means I think of having joy, love, sadness, and everything else inbetween. To go through the rest of my days feeling numb and flat is not for me.
For the short time I took my meds (1 year) at least half that time I felt like I lived in a fog, the best way I've heard it described is "cobwebs in the brain". Each function or effort, whether it was brushing my teeth or shaving in the morning, or trying to go through my duties at work, meant focusing any remaining energy and clarity I had left on the task at hand. I felt ashamed, embarassed, and mostly afraid. My fear was that I couldn't be a complete father to my children, or a good employee.
There was one experience in particular that signified the beginning of my return to "normal". One of my brothers suggested that I sit outside at a cafe and enjoy the fresh air and sunshine. Until that time I'd mostly isolated at home. I remember sitting at that coffee shop, and feeling so warm in the sunlight, the cold and darkness were washing away. People smiled at me, and I wasn't too afraid to smile back. I became a fresh air junkie after that, riding my bike, taking walks, and going every day to that coffee shop. Those cobwebs didn't just magically disappear, but they slowly lessened. 7 months later I tapered off the Effexor, I haven't taken anything since then.
I wish you the best in tapering off, and hope your path to "normal" is a peaceful experience. Please keep talking to your doctor, do this safely, and keep us updated on how you're doing.