SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post - Bi-polar and depression.

LovesAlluNeed · 04-01-2009, 01:42 PM

I wanted to share my story on dealing with bi-polar. Here's the short version:

Diagnosed bi-polar when I was about 17, from a doctor who knew me for no more than about 5 minutes, I started out on Depakote and Risperdal. I gained about 60 pounds from them over the course of about 1 year, also developing severe cystic acne (which my current doc thinks has nothing to do with med's) which 10 years later still plagues me. I tried everything; Abilify, Geodon, Paxil, Effexor, Lamictal, and currently I take Wellbutrin and Seroquel. I am sure there is more that I can't remember.

Anyways, only recently have I discovered that the past 10 years of my life have been a complete blur. I have not really "felt" much of anything, which I guess is the goal of medication when you are bi-polar. No highs, no lows. I have aced that. Additionally, I have never felt true anger OR true love... I feel very detached from people and experiences. That's not the way I want to live the rest of my life... when I think of what the word "living" means I think of having joy, love, sadness, and everything else inbetween. To go through the rest of my days feeling numb and flat is not for me. I believe that all of the med's have certainly played a huge role in this. I think many people feel as if they are over-medicated. America is over-medicated. I am certainly not a doctor by any means, BUT, I do know how I feel. It's normal to be happy, and it's normal to be sad. That's what life is all about.

I am slowly as can be tapering off of my current med's (with my doctor's help) to see what life is all about again. He in no way encouraged it, but he is always willing to help me do what I want to do.

Some people ask "What is normal?" Normal to me is feeling things, and having the right to be happy and sad when you should.

Does anyone else agree with me on this? I am fortunate enough to have a supportive family, doctors, and friends which always helps as well.

Just some thoughts, to see what others think.

04-01-2009, 01:42 PM	#1 (permalink)
LovesAlluNeed Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Baltimore, MD Posts: 9	Bi-polar and depression. I wanted to share my story on dealing with bi-polar. Here's the short version: Diagnosed bi-polar when I was about 17, from a doctor who knew me for no more than about 5 minutes, I started out on Depakote and Risperdal. I gained about 60 pounds from them over the course of about 1 year, also developing severe cystic acne (which my current doc thinks has nothing to do with med's) which 10 years later still plagues me. I tried everything; Abilify, Geodon, Paxil, Effexor, Lamictal, and currently I take Wellbutrin and Seroquel. I am sure there is more that I can't remember. Anyways, only recently have I discovered that the past 10 years of my life have been a complete blur. I have not really "felt" much of anything, which I guess is the goal of medication when you are bi-polar. No highs, no lows. I have aced that. Additionally, I have never felt true anger OR true love... I feel very detached from people and experiences. That's not the way I want to live the rest of my life... when I think of what the word "living" means I think of having joy, love, sadness, and everything else inbetween. To go through the rest of my days feeling numb and flat is not for me. I believe that all of the med's have certainly played a huge role in this. I think many people feel as if they are over-medicated. America is over-medicated. I am certainly not a doctor by any means, BUT, I do know how I feel. It's normal to be happy, and it's normal to be sad. That's what life is all about. I am slowly as can be tapering off of my current med's (with my doctor's help) to see what life is all about again. He in no way encouraged it, but he is always willing to help me do what I want to do. Some people ask "What is normal?" Normal to me is feeling things, and having the right to be happy and sad when you should. Does anyone else agree with me on this? I am fortunate enough to have a supportive family, doctors, and friends which always helps as well. Just some thoughts, to see what others think.