SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post

maripoppins · 03-29-2009, 12:47 PM

I tried to post something before, but got it in the wrong place and I don't think anyone saw it. I have had some help from the very nice people who answer email inquiries. I was told I did get 2 replies, but couldn't figure out where my post went or where to look for it.

I will try again. I learned about this site from a friend who is in recovery and she really likes it and has gotten a lot of support. I thought it was all about recovery from alcohol or drugs and didn't realize there was a place for those of us struggling with mental health issues.

I have been depressed all my life and I really envy my mom who died three years ago because she is finally free from her depression and anxiety. I know there is a hereditary component to all of this. I have tried medications in the past and they did seem to help. I don't even remember why I stopped taking them.

I had a doctor's appointment this past week and did bring up the idea of meds. I ended up down playing how I feel and she thinks my previous depresssion was "situational." I am always down. I have no energy and don't want to do anything.

I try hard to fake it when I am out in public at my job or synagogue. I join in some of the social action projects and others think I am just fine, but on the inside I am thinking I said stupid things, why would anyone want to be around me, I talked too much, (I do, I try to fill in silences with chatter and I hate that).

I feel so disconnected from the "real" world. I have no pictures or anything decorative in my house. I have a ton of family, but no pictures of anyone. I don't have any art, or knick knacks or posters or paintings or jewlery.

I have never bought any music and hate to listen to music. It gets inside my head and it hurts! Weird, I know. I feel like there is this constant chatter in my head, my inner dialogue that never stops.

My house is painted white, inside and out. The carpet is beige and the couches are beige and my life is beige.

It's like I am trying to stay disconnected from everything. I am even afriad to post this message because if someone does answer, I may have to open myself up to others.

Guess how many times I have started a post and deleted it??

03-29-2009, 12:47 PM	#1 (permalink)
maripoppins Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 4	faking it I tried to post something before, but got it in the wrong place and I don't think anyone saw it. I have had some help from the very nice people who answer email inquiries. I was told I did get 2 replies, but couldn't figure out where my post went or where to look for it. I will try again. I learned about this site from a friend who is in recovery and she really likes it and has gotten a lot of support. I thought it was all about recovery from alcohol or drugs and didn't realize there was a place for those of us struggling with mental health issues. I have been depressed all my life and I really envy my mom who died three years ago because she is finally free from her depression and anxiety. I know there is a hereditary component to all of this. I have tried medications in the past and they did seem to help. I don't even remember why I stopped taking them. I had a doctor's appointment this past week and did bring up the idea of meds. I ended up down playing how I feel and she thinks my previous depresssion was "situational." I am always down. I have no energy and don't want to do anything. I try hard to fake it when I am out in public at my job or synagogue. I join in some of the social action projects and others think I am just fine, but on the inside I am thinking I said stupid things, why would anyone want to be around me, I talked too much, (I do, I try to fill in silences with chatter and I hate that). I feel so disconnected from the "real" world. I have no pictures or anything decorative in my house. I have a ton of family, but no pictures of anyone. I don't have any art, or knick knacks or posters or paintings or jewlery. I have never bought any music and hate to listen to music. It gets inside my head and it hurts! Weird, I know. I feel like there is this constant chatter in my head, my inner dialogue that never stops. My house is painted white, inside and out. The carpet is beige and the couches are beige and my life is beige. It's like I am trying to stay disconnected from everything. I am even afriad to post this message because if someone does answer, I may have to open myself up to others. Guess how many times I have started a post and deleted it??