SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post

dolce7dolore · 03-26-2009, 12:19 AM

I usually post over on the ACoA thread, but as I post there too much anyway and this might be more related to mental health this time... I thought I'd come here.

I now know where most of my problems stem from; my alcoholic parents. It helps me feel less like a freak, but it doesn't make anything less painful. So here's the thing. I have "friends" back home, who run whenever I mention anything touchy (very recently, and at the advice of my counselor, backfired). I have mere acquaintances here at college. I really have no friends, and that's the truth. I do have one friend, from high school, so that helps. It feels like a real relationship, but she's extremely Christian and would harshly judge me if I opened up to her. I've never been in a real relationship, at least not one that's lasted more than 3 weeks. I'm not a bad looking person, and I work out. My family members constantly ask and wonder why I don't have a boyfriend. Sometimes I just want to say "Look! I'll tell you when I finally get a boyfriend, or when a guy even notices me! Leave me alone about it." I mean, I try to understand why I am so undesirable, what the heck is so wrong with me, but I can't figure it out.

Anyway, enough of the pity party, and to the point. So far, all the self-help books, my counselor, etc., everyone, has told me that you can't just ignore your problems. I've always used distractions--music, playing piano, reading, now writing. It helps me to forget the pain. I can't possibly dwell on how alone I always feel, it'll eat me. I don't know what's healthy. I hope that one day I will meet people, I try to get out, be more social, but for now, I truly am alone. So what should I do? Constantly face that morbid pain? Or do I continue to use some means of escaping? Do I ignore things and hinder my recovery from my ACoA issues by escaping? I don't have a clue.

I'm so afraid to even tell my counselor things like this. We only talk about my parents. I mean, what's the point of talking about this? It doesn't change anything, just embarrasses me.

03-26-2009, 12:19 AM	#1 (permalink)
dolce7dolore Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: CO Posts: 72	Confused about what to do... I usually post over on the ACoA thread, but as I post there too much anyway and this might be more related to mental health this time... I thought I'd come here. I now know where most of my problems stem from; my alcoholic parents. It helps me feel less like a freak, but it doesn't make anything less painful. So here's the thing. I have "friends" back home, who run whenever I mention anything touchy (very recently, and at the advice of my counselor, backfired). I have mere acquaintances here at college. I really have no friends, and that's the truth. I do have one friend, from high school, so that helps. It feels like a real relationship, but she's extremely Christian and would harshly judge me if I opened up to her. I've never been in a real relationship, at least not one that's lasted more than 3 weeks. I'm not a bad looking person, and I work out. My family members constantly ask and wonder why I don't have a boyfriend. Sometimes I just want to say "Look! I'll tell you when I finally get a boyfriend, or when a guy even notices me! Leave me alone about it." I mean, I try to understand why I am so undesirable, what the heck is so wrong with me, but I can't figure it out. Anyway, enough of the pity party, and to the point. So far, all the self-help books, my counselor, etc., everyone, has told me that you can't just ignore your problems. I've always used distractions--music, playing piano, reading, now writing. It helps me to forget the pain. I can't possibly dwell on how alone I always feel, it'll eat me. I don't know what's healthy. I hope that one day I will meet people, I try to get out, be more social, but for now, I truly am alone. So what should I do? Constantly face that morbid pain? Or do I continue to use some means of escaping? Do I ignore things and hinder my recovery from my ACoA issues by escaping? I don't have a clue. I'm so afraid to even tell my counselor things like this. We only talk about my parents. I mean, what's the point of talking about this? It doesn't change anything, just embarrasses me.