SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post - Will my BP Ex-H Blame me FOREVER?

Tiredofdrama1 · 03-23-2009, 01:38 PM

I have been divorced for 2.5 years after a 20 year marriage to a bi-polar man. The last 15 years of the marriage was pure rollercoaster. He was in denial about his behaviors, his needing treatment, and the facade of a marriage that we had.

To make a long, painful story much shorter than it was, we divorced. He enrolled in a college program to change career paths to counselling, which didn't last. He then quit his job and filed for SSDI, for which he is now approved for and receiving govt money. Fighting my co-dependent ways, I was eventually able to detach in order to save my own mental health. He had been on and off various meds for the past 20 years, but taking them intermittently and sometimes *deciding* that he didn't want them or like them, etc, etc. To his credit, after the divorce he found himself a psychiatrist and felt he was on a better path of medication.

But, even after this amount of time I am still the BRUNT of all his anger. I feel as though he will FOREVER blame me for his life and for no longer taking care of him. Every conversation with him is unpredictable, and so over the years I am always forced to have my defenses up.

I have searched on and off for quite some time to get help for myself and my kids for dealing with his illness/disease/behaviors, but I cannot seem to find places that address how those of us on this side can help protect ourselves emotionally from the rollercoaster. I have read all about co-dependency and understand about boundaries, etc....

But my question is more about him......is it possible for a bi-polar person, even when managing their illness, to take responsibility for his actions? His entire MO is being a victim and blaming everyone else for his plight. Is this simply the nature of the illness?

Thanks to anyone who can speak to this. I am having difficulty with protecting myself from him mentally, and also would like to be able to help my children (teenagers) understand and know how to deal with him. They already make comments like that "dad is like a child and we are the parents".

Thank you.

03-23-2009, 01:38 PM	#1 (permalink)
Tiredofdrama1 Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 5	Will my BP Ex-H Blame me FOREVER? I have been divorced for 2.5 years after a 20 year marriage to a bi-polar man. The last 15 years of the marriage was pure rollercoaster. He was in denial about his behaviors, his needing treatment, and the facade of a marriage that we had. To make a long, painful story much shorter than it was, we divorced. He enrolled in a college program to change career paths to counselling, which didn't last. He then quit his job and filed for SSDI, for which he is now approved for and receiving govt money. Fighting my co-dependent ways, I was eventually able to detach in order to save my own mental health. He had been on and off various meds for the past 20 years, but taking them intermittently and sometimes deciding that he didn't want them or like them, etc, etc. To his credit, after the divorce he found himself a psychiatrist and felt he was on a better path of medication. But, even after this amount of time I am still the BRUNT of all his anger. I feel as though he will FOREVER blame me for his life and for no longer taking care of him. Every conversation with him is unpredictable, and so over the years I am always forced to have my defenses up. I have searched on and off for quite some time to get help for myself and my kids for dealing with his illness/disease/behaviors, but I cannot seem to find places that address how those of us on this side can help protect ourselves emotionally from the rollercoaster. I have read all about co-dependency and understand about boundaries, etc.... But my question is more about him......is it possible for a bi-polar person, even when managing their illness, to take responsibility for his actions? His entire MO is being a victim and blaming everyone else for his plight. Is this simply the nature of the illness? Thanks to anyone who can speak to this. I am having difficulty with protecting myself from him mentally, and also would like to be able to help my children (teenagers) understand and know how to deal with him. They already make comments like that "dad is like a child and we are the parents". Thank you.