well....I learned to distrust very well from my family.....and it spread out from there....
It's actually through the relationships i have built in this sobriety especially some here at sr that i have learned to "trust" again...not sure that's the real word but this part touched me...
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I take everything personally and I'm feeling depressed. I feel like none of my friends like me, they're just humoring me and letting me hang out. I felt like I was getting disconnected from people so I have made efforts to be social but then when I'm out I want to go home because I think they're lying to me and probably don't want me around.
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I fight this battle daily...and largely with the friends who most support and care and love me. I know that this is from inside me at this time....sure sometimes people cut and run or don't really like me but clearly my perspective is scewed on this...I fear it so much that i almost make it happen by my actions from my messed up thinking on this stuff.
So...I reach out when i don't want to, I share with my closest friends when i start to get that parinoia and I just keep hanging in there
I don't want a half life full of fear anymore....I wan't a full life a rich life full of relationships...and if that means occtionally i get screwed...so be it i will find a way to deal with it.
tough talk, but some days i just hide in the covers and wish i were someone else.