[rachell]

I am involved with an addict, two years although heres the cracker ..... i got involved with him even though i knew he was an addict, ive known him all my life since we were kids im were 30 now. We have a year and a half of maddness, i never used heroin but he did and everything else he could inject up his arm. We started seeing each other as friends but after a couple of months we fell for each other, well i dunno if an addict is capable of love but he tried. He did so many cold turkeys within that first year and a half as he wanted a life for us and he hated using heroin, he has being a user for eight years, being to rehad about ten times and has stayed sober on and off within those eight years. Anyway i ended up leaving him as i was sick of the pain of seeing him in that state as its the worry of you getting a phonecall really that he has overdosed. So he came to me and begged me for one last chance as he got himself on the methadone programe. It seemed to work for him but low and behold two months in he took a load of valium one night and used the next day, i freaked out and left straight away but i couldnt go through with it it was two hard and ended up going back a week later, so i saw it as a blip that only lasted a couple of days but three months on im here again. THis time its lasted a week and a half and within that week and a half hes written off car number four and being in hospital to get his stomach pumped, i just dont understand it as we were really happy, he would constanly say how happy he was and that he can see things clear now and we talked marraige and everything in fact the day before his bender started he wrote me a lovely card with a bunch of flowers saying how happy he was and how he had big plans for our future blah blah...then the next day his bender starts, always with the valium first then the rest follows. I have left the apartment of where we lived as i just cannot cry anymore i really cant, i cannot take the phonecalls i get from him completley out of it and completley throwing my day, how i have not had a stroke myself is crazy! As anyone who is with an addict knows what their like when there on these benders and you would have to see it to believe it. So i was meant to meet him tomor to discuss what i was going to do (i certainly do not want to move back in) and about two hours ago i recieved a call from him from the hospital, im sure ill get a great nights sleep!!!! sorry im having a moan now, but i suppose all i want to ask is from a recovering addict ....is this normal behaviour on methedone, (three months good, two weeks bad, three months good cycle)...and what should i do stay or leave. I truly love him althoug my heart is so broke