[jerect]

I'm a long time poster on SR but this is my first time posting on the ED board...

My life is out of control... I'm in ED hell and I'm not sure what to do about it..

Ever since High School (I'm in my mid 30's now) I have binged and purged, exercised compulsively and gone on extreme diets to where I counted every calorie that went into my mouth and weighed every morsel of food that I put on my plate.. I have been a slave to the scale, both food scales and weight scales.. I have gone to the other extremes, where I am now, binge and binge and binge on large amounts of food and then I purge... afterwords promising myself that this was the last time I would do this to myself... only to turn around and do it again the next day..

I have justified my behavior in so many ways but know in my heart that each time i justify this to myself and to my family that I'm only lying to myself..

Over the years I have talked to counslers about my ED, read countless self help books, gone on anti depressents, and still I'm a prisoner in my own body.

I first came to SR because my husband was a drug addict and I was on this mission to do whatever it took to get him clean..... of course, it doesn't work that way because he was the only person that could get him clean.. I was not God, I was not in control and through SR and some of the wonderful people on this board I have learned to stay out of his way and out of his program..

Before I came to SR I had heard the term codependency but never associated that word with who I was... but from reading, posting and sharing, I have discovered that I am the poster child for codependency and that probably a lot of my ED's are the result of being codependent..

So this is where I am today... I need help.. I attend alanon and open NA meetings and they have helped me tremendously in coping with my husbands addiction to drugs...however, I have learned that I am just as sick and addicted as he is only to a different substance...

Looking online, I have found a few OA meetings in my area that i'm thinking of attending... however, I don't quite understand what OA is... I would not classify myself as an overeater even though I binge and purge, because there are times when I severely under eat and exercise a couple of hours at at a time on any given day..

I was just wondering if anyone had any suggestions of a 12 step group, FTF or online that could help me...

Thanks