[runningfree]

Brent,
You are so very sweet and wonderful to think of all these excuses for me. My friend who has surpassed me is also dealing with major life issues and an onset of depression and she has been able to continue and excel at these discipline driven activities. That has what has been so hard. SHe talks about killing herself and the next day she is out running 10 miles. I feel like the world is better off without me and I can't move a muscle. I know that people deal with things differently, but being disciplined is a major importance to me and excelling at this activity is very much a focus. It doesn't mean that I judge others because they don't run a zillion miles or run marathons. It is not everybodies focus, but it is my focus and I am lazy and so undisciplined that I am disgusted by my actions. I know that I have so many other things to deal with, but if it really mattered then I would be able to do it and I'm not. I have let it go and I have let many other things go with this depression. My friend who is also dealing with issues seems to keep all the disciplined things alive and even stronger. This just helps me to get lower on myself. She doesn't mean to, but I hate myself for the way that I have handled our whole situation.

Now to the important part of your post! Congratulations on your running endeavor! It does suck when you first start out. The best way to start is to run the 3/4 mile and then walk for a while then run somemore and then walk and then run more and walk. Pretty soon your walking will turn into running. I never go by time. Only when I run a race. That may explain why I am not very fast. I don't practice for time. I only think about distance. Now I usually try to run 5-6 miles on the weekend with the dog. She rests every other mile at my house so she usually gets in 2-3 miles. Lately I have been only running for her on the weekends and when she had an injury I went out to run because I knew that it would look like I was trying since my husband asks me every Sat and SUn if I am going out for a run. He sort of knows that if he doesn't say anything that I might bag it. It looks like I am trying and feeling better if I run. It doesn't really make me feel good right now. It is just another front. Sorry for all the negativity. I am proud of your accomplishment. Just run and walk for awhile. I'll be interested to hear your progress.
Sharon