[lovtolaff]

Warm weather was “our thing” – we spent tons of time doing yard work, gardening, fishing, staying outside until late, sitting and talking on the back porch. Of course he would drink most of those times and some of those times were NOT happy times but a lot of them were. So now with the onset of spring (well kind of) it’s triggering me. I have feelings of missing him something terrible.

Last spring we planted a pretty good size garden – well when I kicked him out at the end of June – a lot of the stuff had started blooming and was ready to harvest. I couldn’t bring myself to even step foot in the garden without crying so most of the stuff just laid there and rotted unless friends helped themselves to it. Last weekend I worked in the garden – cleaning it up getting it ready to till – I didn’t cry but it was hard.

I look around my yard and there are so many things that he did in the yard it just makes me sad. I love spring and summer (always have) but boy this year it is hard for me to forget what I once had with the person that I thought was my “soulmate”.

I’m sad today for what I know in my heart can NOT be….but I will keep moving forward. The end of this month will be 9 months out for me – and it makes me mad that I’m NOT over him yet. I’m tired of having obsessive, consuming thoughts of him – even if they are few and far between.