Welcome Emily!
I am so glad that you're here. To answer your question ..
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I'm afraid to drink and I'm afraid not to drink. How does that make sense?
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Yes..to me it makes sense...I felt that way 7 weeks ago..the day I quit, and well a lot of days before that. My advice...find a support system to help you navigate quitting and getting healthy...AA is an option ..there are also secular programs out there if you do a little research. It sounds like your hurting,
I can promise you that things will dramatically improve without the alcohol! I know the fear...but honestly all my fears ended up being unfounded. I wish you the best...take care of you...
Peace
Jaclyn