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tallulah -
You certainly sound like you are focused on your recovery. You are also allowing yourself to be human, which inevitably means making mistakes.
It sounds like you are in a place that I was in. "The stinkin' thinkin' is trying to work out why he has sent such an ambiguous text..." I was to the point where I would analyze my XABF's every syllable. It felt like he was holding my happiness in his hands.
In retrospect, that type of behavior was a symptom of an unhealthy relationship.
For me, giving the relationship another chance (with new parameters) was necessary for me to move on. It did not work out, but I wasn't left wondering "what if."
You're going to do what you feel is right, and I know that however it turns out, it will all work out for you.
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