SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post - I wonder what goes through the addicted mind.....

orviske · 03-09-2009, 08:27 AM

It has been a few months since my last post. At that time I was grappling with the decision to leave my ABF. At the time I lived in Alabama, and through the strength of folks at SR was encouraged to jump in my car and go to NY.

My little girl was born December 3, 2008. I have pictures to share. She is the most beautiful thing to ever happen to me. She truly saved my life.

ABF is now an XABF. He still is in Alabama. He still has made no attempt to see his daughter. Everyone in my life says the same thing....he should be here.

She is 3 months old and has yet to meet the other supplier of genetic material.

I realize now that he is a really sick man. He has no idea that he has caused his own problems. He continues to blame my leaving on me. I have offered several times for him to come and live here. He tells me he has his own life, and that I obviously made some poor decisions, and that I am where I want to be.

I have made some of the very best decisions in the last 6 months. While it is true that my baby girl and I live with my parents, in the last 6 months I have secured a well-paying job with benefits, and stable childcare for my little angel. I'm working on saving money for first months rent....and soon we'll be on our own!

I continue to love him, but realize how unhealthy my own addiction to him is. He cannot see the hurt he causes, and how unreasonable his actions are.

Although we used to talk every day, since she was born he claims that he is just too busy, and our phone calls have been reduced to once a week. I am not persuing child support for him, as he has another son that he is 3 months behind for.

Most recently he has decided to treat himself by setting aside money to go to Bonnaroo, a huge music festival in Tennessee. I told him I certainly hoped he has an envelope with our daughter's name on it, to come and visit her. He told me that he plans to visit, but that it takes money, planning and time off of work. And planning to go to a 3 day music festival doesn't?

My heart can't take anymore, and so yesterday I decided that I can't force him to take interest. I can't force him to love her or us. I have decided to let my love for him die. I still don't understand why that is so hard to do! This man has meant nothing but trouble for me. I am living at home with no car to drive legally. I am in a ridiculous amount of debt, and he shows no signs of loving me or the baby, or any remorse.....he still continues to think I left arbitrarily.

I know he is sick.....that the addicted brain knows no form of consequence and loves just one thing.....Why is it so hard to just let go???

03-09-2009, 08:27 AM	#1 (permalink)
orviske Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Mobile AL Posts: 101	I wonder what goes through the addicted mind..... It has been a few months since my last post. At that time I was grappling with the decision to leave my ABF. At the time I lived in Alabama, and through the strength of folks at SR was encouraged to jump in my car and go to NY. My little girl was born December 3, 2008. I have pictures to share. She is the most beautiful thing to ever happen to me. She truly saved my life. ABF is now an XABF. He still is in Alabama. He still has made no attempt to see his daughter. Everyone in my life says the same thing....he should be here. She is 3 months old and has yet to meet the other supplier of genetic material. I realize now that he is a really sick man. He has no idea that he has caused his own problems. He continues to blame my leaving on me. I have offered several times for him to come and live here. He tells me he has his own life, and that I obviously made some poor decisions, and that I am where I want to be. I have made some of the very best decisions in the last 6 months. While it is true that my baby girl and I live with my parents, in the last 6 months I have secured a well-paying job with benefits, and stable childcare for my little angel. I'm working on saving money for first months rent....and soon we'll be on our own! I continue to love him, but realize how unhealthy my own addiction to him is. He cannot see the hurt he causes, and how unreasonable his actions are. Although we used to talk every day, since she was born he claims that he is just too busy, and our phone calls have been reduced to once a week. I am not persuing child support for him, as he has another son that he is 3 months behind for. Most recently he has decided to treat himself by setting aside money to go to Bonnaroo, a huge music festival in Tennessee. I told him I certainly hoped he has an envelope with our daughter's name on it, to come and visit her. He told me that he plans to visit, but that it takes money, planning and time off of work. And planning to go to a 3 day music festival doesn't? My heart can't take anymore, and so yesterday I decided that I can't force him to take interest. I can't force him to love her or us. I have decided to let my love for him die. I still don't understand why that is so hard to do! This man has meant nothing but trouble for me. I am living at home with no car to drive legally. I am in a ridiculous amount of debt, and he shows no signs of loving me or the baby, or any remorse.....he still continues to think I left arbitrarily. I know he is sick.....that the addicted brain knows no form of consequence and loves just one thing.....Why is it so hard to just let go???