Happy birthday from someone who cares! I'm sorry you're been feeling depressed and I hope you feel better soon ~ thank you for sharing.
Your xabf sounds like my AH because he says one thing but his actions don't always match what he's saying. Relationships can be confusing enough without adding addiction. I'm trying to focus on the actions but it's hard when the promises sound so good.
Anyway, I'm sorry your birthday hasn't been what you wanted so far but I hope you have a better day tomorrow....sometimes, depressed or not, we have to make ourselves do something for ourselves. Hugs~