[jpal]

Sounds like you are very overwhelmed right now...and I can relate to that. I remember not wanting to take a shower in the morning because it would require too much effort to blow dry my hair (and I'd spend every morning debating with myself over it)-so I don't think it's stupid at all that you find it difficult to brush your teeth. I know EXACTLY what you mean. Even the smallest task can be overwhelming and too much to handle. That is NORMAL for someone with depression and probably some other mental illnesses as well.

You mentioned that you are seeing a therapist....have you been diagnosed with any type of mental illness? If not, you may want to look into it. The right diagnosis and the right treatment is key. You also mentioned that you used to use drugs-this may have been a way of self-medicating because of mental illness and not the root of the problem. Apparently a high percentage of people who have mental illness use and abuse drugs/alcohol in an effort to overcome those feelings of depression, panic, anxiety etc. I know I did.

I'm not an expert but things that you said in your post remind me of exactly how I used to feel before I got treatment for my depression. Especially when you express wanting to not come home for a few days or go to a hospital. I wanted to "check out" of my life too, because I just couldn't function. I also was able to "hold it together" for the "outside" world but when I was home everything would unravel and totally fall apart. I know exactly what you mean.

I wish you the best of luck and I know things can get better for you. That may seem hard to believe, but it's true. Keep posting and sharing-there is a lot of support and inspiration here. Take care....and sending hugs your way.