Hi all,
I've been a member here for 5 years and have a question. I have been around the "no-contact-take-him-back" mountain 500 million times it seems, learning more each time. Four months ago abf relapsed on what I think is meth, not sure..just notice his weight loss, sweaty vinegar odor. He is a polysubstance abuser/alcoholic, also as sad as it sounds, he is the love of my life. About 2 weeks ago, he and I were playing around with each other's cell phones. He told me "go ahead check it"...of course I told him I'm sure he erases everything before he visits....so I was checking and there was a phone number under the "notes" section of "Messages Received" menu. I waited til he was not looking, took the phone with me when running an errand and called the number(he did not know I saw at the time). Some street name with the word "Boy" in it was in the recorded message. I assumed immediatly it was a dealer.
So cutting to the chase, I confronted him, he threw the phone, became angry and left. We had exchanged abusive e-mails with each other about our ex spouses with comparing his to mine and so forth. I decided this was the last straw and enforced another do not contact 2 weeks ago, a week after which time he told me "that was my weed man". Since then, I have violated the no contact rule by answering a couple of e-mails....one from today which read:
"All I want is to be loved by you, no one else can even begin to feel the way I do. I dont ask for much, just to be loved by you, i dont ask for your time, i dont ask for your opinions,i dont ask for your poccessions, just your love"
My translation: All I want is to be loved by you because I know you are the one who really loves me even when I could care less about all the heartache and anxiety crap I have put you through. I dont want you to contact me either, but all I am asking is that you continue to love me while I continue screwing around with drugs and alcohol and hanging around and/or having sex with people who do the same.
What does he
really mean?? Is my translation correct (my gut tells me it is correct). He knows I mean business this time and is starting to get gooey with the quackery...yes I'm angry..and yes I still love and miss him at the same time. At any rate I did end the reply with letting him know I love him but will no longer tolerate someone with his behavior in my life...he does not seem to want help and has given me an ultimatum I have finally answered....I'm out...no more wasting my life.
So now, it seems my hardest task is not reading or replying to his e-mails. Everything else is okay as time goes on. He lives 5 minutes away and I want to stalk and drive by to see if his car is out there...but so far..so good, I've only done it once. His sister with 3 kids moved out last Sunday, so I'm thinking he is going to be probably using more often.
At any rate...thanks for any replies and for being here
:wtf2