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Bragi,
I go through a lot of those thoughts myself. Only lately, going through the Steps, have I seen how much thoughts like 'what bad things are they thinking about me' take up a big amount of my brain's bandwidth.
It is definitely an ACOA trait - You learn to presume that the family's problems are somehow your fault, that you are the one making the mistakes. There is an addiction, sort-of, to thoughts of guilt and self-blame.
Unlike true addictions, with this one it is a little harder to put down the bottle, since its in our heads!
And as sure as hell there was no point at which the addiction could have been called 'fun' - As in 'Damn, that was one tasty pint of Guilt'!
It's an obsessive thought, nonetheless, and I am using the Steps to work through it like its an an addiction.
This is only my experience, but all these thoughts make me realize how unbelievably self-centered I am. And not in a good way, like a diva or pro athlete. It made me a very good one-person Guilt factory. If guilt could be harnessed for energy we alanon-ers could outdo nuclear fusion, hot or cold.
But if you are like me you kinda know that you are probably have not done anything that could get you on anyone's list of irritants. Actually, I am only capable of doing really bad things to a small handful of people who wouldn't let me be ignorant of my misdeed for more than 24 hours.
From this forum I got a very good piece of advice:
'I am not that f****** important'
Really, If I disappeared tomorrow, everyone in my little world would still go around with their same little collection of worries and pleasures. Roofs will leak, no one will win the lottery, mud season will come, and mid-terms will suck.
I am capable of doing some very good things for my own recovery, and I can do alot to support all those I know who are also walking their own path of recovery.
I hope this helps. Other will likely have good suggestions for books and other places to go for more help.
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