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**Impurrfect** · 02-26-2009, 04:45 PM

(((LB))) - Good for you on the 13 days!!

I don't know if you're the praying type, but this is what I had to do. When I got clean from the crack, I knew I HAD to do it, but wasn't real happy about it. Kinda stupid, now that I think about it, as life on crack was pretty bad, but what can I say?

Anyway, I had to pray "let me be WILLING to not want this crap any more". Because I wasn't even willing to not want it, if that makes sense. I guess it's that whole acceptance thing. I knew that when I accepted I was an addict, I would get past the point of wanting it all the time. Well, I wasn't anywhere near accepting it yet.

So I said that prayer every time crack entered my brain, which was a lot. Amazing, it didn't take long until either the prayer worked (most likely) or I just got tired of thinking about it all the time and gave in to my next prayer, which was "please take the crack thoughts away"....now that I was willing.

I don't know if this makes much sense, but it's what worked for me...I was one hard-headed, stubborn-as-a-mule crackhead. I came into recovery, kicking and screaming, but I knew I had to do it.

Honestly, I rarely think about crack. I DO, however, still have times when I want to be NUMB...yesterday, for example. I just came here, e-mailed a good friend, from here, talked to another supportive friend, and the thoughts went away.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

02-26-2009, 04:45 PM	#179 (permalink)
Impurrfect Social Network Moderator Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Atlanta Posts: 18,303	(((LB))) - Good for you on the 13 days!! I don't know if you're the praying type, but this is what I had to do. When I got clean from the crack, I knew I HAD to do it, but wasn't real happy about it. Kinda stupid, now that I think about it, as life on crack was pretty bad, but what can I say? Anyway, I had to pray "let me be WILLING to not want this crap any more". Because I wasn't even willing to not want it, if that makes sense. I guess it's that whole acceptance thing. I knew that when I accepted I was an addict, I would get past the point of wanting it all the time. Well, I wasn't anywhere near accepting it yet. So I said that prayer every time crack entered my brain, which was a lot. Amazing, it didn't take long until either the prayer worked (most likely) or I just got tired of thinking about it all the time and gave in to my next prayer, which was "please take the crack thoughts away"....now that I was willing. I don't know if this makes much sense, but it's what worked for me...I was one hard-headed, stubborn-as-a-mule crackhead. I came into recovery, kicking and screaming, but I knew I had to do it. Honestly, I rarely think about crack. I DO, however, still have times when I want to be NUMB...yesterday, for example. I just came here, e-mailed a good friend, from here, talked to another supportive friend, and the thoughts went away. Hugs and prayers! Amy __________________ "I'm not where I want to be, but thank God I'm not where I used to be" - Joyce Meyer "You got what it takes you can win, today is your day to begin. Don't give up here, don't you quit, the moment is now, this is it I know that you can then you will, get to the top of the hill. Part of the fun is the climb, you just gotta make up your mind" - Shania Twain (Tinker, Elvis, Patches and Mots - Mouth Of The South)