Quote:
Originally Posted by mle-sober  Hi Geekorunique,
The further away I got from SOBER DAY 1, the closer I got to serenity.
Prior to finally "getting it" and getting myself into treatment and abstaining from alcohol, my life was filled with chaos. Dramatic mood swings up and down up and down all day long.
Then, as I moved from abstaining, to sobriety, to recovery - my mood swings weakened. They were very scary though because I was sober and experiencing them. As I healed more, I was able to experience my emotions with less fear. Now, one of the things I know for sure is that my emotions will not hurt me. I had to learn that. But now I really know it. My emotions, even though they are strong and volatile sometimes, are like waves, coming and going. And they may appear frightening. But I am no longer that little girl like you talked about - slave to pain and using alcohol and razors to try to respond to my fears and pain.
So, I guess my answer to you is YES - the first year, I experienced waves - highs and lows - of emotions. And I had to learn to ride them out, to shelter myself, to listen to what they were telling me and where they were leading me. And now, just a little over a year sober, I find myself on pretty stable ground.
I am Bipolar. The emotions I've experienced over the first year have sometimes exacerbated my bipolar and triggered a mania or a depression. But the manias and depressions are very distinct for me, from the ups and downs of emotions. That's another whole subject. But I'll just say that they are different for me. I can tell the difference now that I'm sober.
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Just happened onto this thread. My daughter is bi-polar, she is 90+ days clean & sober, the last several weeks, I have noticed increased depression and that "I just want to die attitude" Did you feel that in the beginning of your recovery, that your bi-polar depressed state was more evident?
I believe that there are several factors working on her, but that's a whole different story.