Quote:
Originally Posted by elso  Hello,
I have been with my wife for nearly 9 years and married for the last 3.5 years. For most of that time I hid my drug and alcohol problems from her and lived a dishonest double life of chemical abuse. After 2 rehab stints I finally found the willingness to surrender and I now have just over 1 year clean and sober after 25 yrs of self abuse. I have fully dived into the AA fellowship and without all of my new friends and meetings (at least 5 per week) I would not have been able to make it this far. It has been very rough on my wife (who drinks occasionally, definitely not an addict) on my new life. She is upset that I am never around and when I am that it has become drudgery. She is upset that I get my support from AA and AA friends/sponsor and not her. She also refuses to go to Al Anon. Also, I continue to engage in dishonest behavior. Something I never did in active addiction was have extra marital affairs. I now find myself getting emotionally involved with other women in the program and this has really been an issue with my wife. I ended all contact with the first one 6 months ago, but I have now found myself in the exact same situation now. I fear that i am really falling for this new person. We seem to have more in common with my new life. She kicked me out last week when she found out about it and I moved into my own apt. But she wants me back and I don't know what to do as I am now engrossed with this new woman (we have not slept together). Anyone with advice? |
Although most folks in today's society would disagree with me, I say you have a moral, ethical and general obligation to your wife. You are the one with the issue here, not her. It is quite common for us to fall for women in the program. Your sponsor will tell you to leave all women with one year and less alone, these are emotional cripples, and you are simply taking advantage with them. Other women we involve ourselves with should know better, at least that you are in a committed relationship and not available. Anyone with more than a year should know you are off limits. At this point you should make every effort to reconcile your relationship with your wife, after all the old behaviors are what we are combating, not culturing. Get counseling, stress Alanon, but refrain from taking her inventory (such as rubbing her nose in the fact that she has not attended Alanon yet. You made vows, keep them. Mere suggestions, not advice.