I'm so sorry for your loss.
And I'm sorry that you're hurting so badly.
It's difficult...
Yet, it is part of the circle of life.
As we all recognize.
Please talk to your doctor again.
Print out your post and give it to him/her.
let them know exactly how difficult it is for you.
Help *is* available.
Let us know how it goes, after you talk to your doc.
We care.
Shalom!