SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post

scott · 02-24-2009, 12:55 PM

I have gotten a lot of help from those on this site like HistoryTeach and others that I can't remember their screen names right now. Anyways, I was diagnosed Bipolar NOS in December. I had used opioids for about a year and a half self medicating for hallucinations, mood swings, and debilitating depressions that I was experiencing and have had since I was about 18 or 19. Since getting clean last September and relapsing once in December which put me in the psychiatric ward with suicidal ideations, I have had more problems. The doctors I have seen have been great and horrible to me. The first ARNP I saw put me on Invega which seemed to "level me out" if that makes sense to some. Then I transferred to a psychiatrist who immediatley put me suboxone after I had already been clean for cravings. I told them that the cravings were due to anxiety that the only way I can explain it to people is that it makes me think about suicide. They put me on antidepressants then, prozac. Prozac actually made the anxiety and suicidal ideations worse. They immediately took me off of it. I told them about my agitation and trouble in school and they told me I had ADHD and tried strattera and wellbutrin. I'm currently taking 300mg wellbutrin xl with nothing better. I still have anxiety and hallucinations sometimes and the doctor is pretty much sitting on his hands. I was almost begging for something for the anxiety at my last appointment where I told him about the hallucinations that I'm having where I think this thing, I don't know how else to describe it comes after me in my own house. I see him and he kind of looks like the aliens on the movie signs except he has no face. I see him and it brings me extreme anxiety and paralyzing fear. There's another man that I often see sometimes lying in bed next to me or in my bedroom with me. He brings me pleasant feelings, almost a warmness or "high" that comes over me when he is close to me. I've told my parents about this and my psychiatrist but he is doing nothing so I think I'm going to fire him. He hurries me in and out of his office and doesn't listen to me. He is just there to manage medication as far as I'm concerned and does a terrible job of it.

I guess I'm just reaching out to some other BP'ers who may have some experience with stuff like this and what to do or what medications worked for them. I'm just kind of scared I'm losing my mind when I feel like this. I visit moodtracker.com everyday and according to my patterns of swings I'm in depression right now but am still having those hallucinations 1-2 times per week. I know it's not healthy and this anxiety feels like it is taking my life away. This is when I used to use oxycontin to make these thoughts and anxiety go away but now I know that is absolutely NOT an option for me and am looking for help in other ways. I am also a very spiritual person, but reading my bible and praying does not seem to be helping me at all right now.

What would you do?

02-24-2009, 12:55 PM	#1 (permalink)
scott To infinity.....AND BEYOND! Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Kansas Posts: 132	Please Help: Bipolar Issues I have gotten a lot of help from those on this site like HistoryTeach and others that I can't remember their screen names right now. Anyways, I was diagnosed Bipolar NOS in December. I had used opioids for about a year and a half self medicating for hallucinations, mood swings, and debilitating depressions that I was experiencing and have had since I was about 18 or 19. Since getting clean last September and relapsing once in December which put me in the psychiatric ward with suicidal ideations, I have had more problems. The doctors I have seen have been great and horrible to me. The first ARNP I saw put me on Invega which seemed to "level me out" if that makes sense to some. Then I transferred to a psychiatrist who immediatley put me suboxone after I had already been clean for cravings. I told them that the cravings were due to anxiety that the only way I can explain it to people is that it makes me think about suicide. They put me on antidepressants then, prozac. Prozac actually made the anxiety and suicidal ideations worse. They immediately took me off of it. I told them about my agitation and trouble in school and they told me I had ADHD and tried strattera and wellbutrin. I'm currently taking 300mg wellbutrin xl with nothing better. I still have anxiety and hallucinations sometimes and the doctor is pretty much sitting on his hands. I was almost begging for something for the anxiety at my last appointment where I told him about the hallucinations that I'm having where I think this thing, I don't know how else to describe it comes after me in my own house. I see him and he kind of looks like the aliens on the movie signs except he has no face. I see him and it brings me extreme anxiety and paralyzing fear. There's another man that I often see sometimes lying in bed next to me or in my bedroom with me. He brings me pleasant feelings, almost a warmness or "high" that comes over me when he is close to me. I've told my parents about this and my psychiatrist but he is doing nothing so I think I'm going to fire him. He hurries me in and out of his office and doesn't listen to me. He is just there to manage medication as far as I'm concerned and does a terrible job of it. I guess I'm just reaching out to some other BP'ers who may have some experience with stuff like this and what to do or what medications worked for them. I'm just kind of scared I'm losing my mind when I feel like this. I visit moodtracker.com everyday and according to my patterns of swings I'm in depression right now but am still having those hallucinations 1-2 times per week. I know it's not healthy and this anxiety feels like it is taking my life away. This is when I used to use oxycontin to make these thoughts and anxiety go away but now I know that is absolutely NOT an option for me and am looking for help in other ways. I am also a very spiritual person, but reading my bible and praying does not seem to be helping me at all right now. What would you do?